I seem to be away from LJ more than I want to be. It's been really bad for my writing. When I was at Agatep, I used LJ to jumpstart the creative process. These days I just sit and stare at the pc, overwhelmed. I shouldn't stay away so long.

A hug to all the LJ friends I still have out there.....

I want to stop.




Make it stop.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

For some reason I have been having very disturbing dreams for the past week that have been keeping me from sleeping well. It's nothing specific or recurring, running the gamut from hunchbacks that turn into snarling dogs to headless people filling the streets to a rouge motorbike that keeps chasing me. I've even had a man that was painted like a huge hairy elephant tentacle rape a blonde lady on a rug while a little girl watched.

In one dream, I couldn't wake up and in it I called Ging, saying "I can't wake up! You have to help me!". I already go to bed very late, and I keep waking up, and it's so hard to fall asleep again. In the past week, I think I've had an average of an hour's rest every night. This makes my work suffer, because I can't think straight. I'm soooo tired.

A lot of weird things have been happening, it's like it's almost Samhain again. The cats are iffy, snarling at useen things. I keep feeling a cat on the bed when there is none. And out of the corner of my eye, I see shadows of people walking into walls - but that can be the sleep deprivation talking. But even Lara hears the knocking at the bedroom door, and the steps up the stairs. We're used to things like this happening near the Wiccan new year, but it's barely Ostara.

I wonder if it's stress. At any rate, I'm ready to drop... just like my work efficiency. So tired all the time. :(

I think we need to move. Someone or something may be trying to tell us that we need to not be here anymore.

I guess it's true that you can only give yourself so much time to grieve. You can't just sit there and sulk, or the funk will just get worse. But you can't just try to cure everything with action, either - it's like speeding towards a cliff because you've found out you've got a flat tire.

Get depressed, then get determined.

Maybe it'll crash and burn, but nobody can say that this bunny gives up without a fight.

*** *** *** *** I still hate my job *** *** *** ***


Anyway, next month I'll be having my last calendar date birthday! *cheers* And I want to make a chocolate charlotte cake - pic taken courtesy of Senor Pablo at Bynny's Yummies (http://bunnypablo.blogspot.com) - which is basically a cake that bothered to get dressed up for the occasion.




I'm also getting a move on with my projects. They won't do themselves, yeah?


*** *** *** ***

Also, CONGRATULATIONS to two of my friends who got celebrated their 2nd year anniversary with a commitment ceremony. Ging and Rose, may you have many happy years together.

WUV!!!!

First, let me say that I have no problem with people practicing the religion of their choice. But when my food begins to choose a path to spiritual enlightenment, I gotta LOLzzzzz.

What am I talking about? Apparently there's this guy who makes and commercially markets Christian salt.

Yes, he's a little zealous. And quite a bit ... I dunno... uninformed. Kosher salt isn't Jewish, or blessed by rabbis. It hurts Christianity how?

Ah basta, LOL.


I heard about it on metaquotes:

hawkorhandsaw: Personally, I demand that my crushed red pepper be Zoroastrian. It gives it more bite.

ginalin: I'm trying to decide if saffron is Buddhist or Hindu now. LOL

hawkorhandsaw: I think my garlic is Russian Orthodox.

hnmic: Y'know there's this paprika I got that I'd swear is practicing a strange and mildly perverted orthodox developed in the high Carpathians...sometimes at night I hear the lid opening....

hawkorhandsaw: I've got this sassafras root that tells stories about going into the swamps and practicing eldritch rituals to call forth the others from the cthonic ruins.

just_the_ash: Zen Buddhism just sits and watches the changing of the seasonings.

Context is all about the flavor.




*bounces off to giggle somewhere else*

Waiiiiiiiiii. I've been busy with the concert and trying to find time to do my practicum and my writing, and finally I've made some progress and gotten out of the depressive state, more or less. To see the fun of being back in school, please click the link below:

( TESL Week )

In between writing and cooking dinner, I am peeking in to leave a note. How have you been, lj-land? Carlyn, I'm sorry I keep missing you at chorale practice. Abby, it was really nice to see you last week. Gail, I promise I will see you again (fed!). Rocky and Sanch, I miss you all over again. Ly, I refuse to make bread in my rice cooker when I can't even make rice in it (our house ain't insured). AC girls, next year I promise I won't have this much on my plate. Or ever.

Anyway, I went back to school, which is why I was missing for a week. I took my TESL (Teaching English as a Second Language) certification course. Which was surprisingly difficult - I'm doing practicum and have not even began on my assignment, because I have backlog a mile high.

I'm kinda sluggish right now. Strangely, the motivation I had during the training just went kaput the second I told my boss that I had to take the practicum. I really don't like it when people say "do you have to" when it's a requirement. I mean, you paid for the course, and I would like to think you didn't do it just so I wouldn't be in the office for a couple of weeks.

Right now I'm so down I haven't really done anything. Which is not an excuse, and I'm trying, but it's not working. I know I'll snap out of it eventually, I just gotta keep hacking at it. Right now I'm TJ-obsessed, so I'll finish that project first, everything else (except Ging's wedding, that is) be dammed.

Speaking of going back to school, I visited my collegiate alma mater to make a request for a diploma. Another "you don't need that to get your certificate" from my boss. I swear if I had the 18k he paid for my tuition, I'd have resigned from that alone. I mean, please don't dismiss me like that. I'm not making this up, you know. Especially since I paid 350 pesos out of my own pocket for a document I'll have to pick up personally, traveling to Manila in roads that are mainly under construction. GAH! Also, the office is SO disorganized - I've had to work in he computer shop for the last few days and I HATED it.

All my plans, all I had wanted to do for the office, and now I just want to quit. It's happening all over again and he doesn't listen and he really thinks Bimbo did a better job and WHY doesn't he listen when I know later on he will make the same damn suggestions?!?!?! I'm so heartsick. I miss my Agatep job. I miss being competent. Or rather, recognized as competent.


Anyway, bitter resentment and undermined self-esteem aside, I went back to SSC. It was nostalgic, to say the least. I felt like touching every single surface. Nakakakilig na nakakalungkot. It as someplace I belonged, once upon a time, and now I belong nowhere.

Aaaaaand, that was emo. Erase, rewind, replay.



I will share a bunny story...

Once upon a time there were two bunnies who lived right on the edge of a large cabbage patch. There was a little brown bunny and a big white bunny, and they lived in a tiny burrow just right for two. They worked hard to keep their burrow in shape, and to earn their living.

The little bunny worked days and the big bunny worked nights, tending and harvesting the cabbage. On weekends, they took their share of the cabbage to market and traded it for carrots and mik, keeping some for themselves to eat.

Both bunnies were not quite happy with the way things were. They missed each other very much, and wished they could work at the same time. Plus, working nights in the damp soil made the big bunny sick, and the little bunny worried so that she almost never slept either. "It has to be done," said the big bunny, "because the cabbage patch needs attention at night, too. "But if we had a smaller cabbage patch," little bunny argued, "all the work could be done during the day."

Big bunny shook her head sadly. "But then we would not have enough, little bunny."

And they were sadder than ever.


TBC

This is a very fun video to watch - so much so I can't even remember what the song was about.

This weekend is jam-packed with household chores and work, and the past week has been stressful, but whaddya know, I am actually making progress with my work load! *and angels break into song overhead*

I promise myself to be on my best behavior this weekend and in the coming week, scheduling my days and getting so organized that grimlock88 would be proud of me, hehe. This is probably the only way I can justify (to myself, as nobody really needs me to do so) taking the next weekend off for scrap date at a friend's home. :D

The scrap area's almost completely organized, the laundry list fixed, the printer installed, the marketing plan framed, the PCMC project speeding along, the computer and printer properly installed, the cd collection thinned out and organized (almost), and the household finances stashed away in their respective envelopes.

Now, all i have to do is:

• flesh out the marketing plan
• finish the PCMC directors profile
• plan the menu for the next two weeks
• order Chinese for the dinner party at Krix' place
• plan vet visits for Billie
• organize, encode/rewrite loose papers
• conceptualize and write on my business/foodie/domestic blogs (to be launched!)
• take the dirty laundry to the cleaners
• wash delicates
• re-order the pantry
• schedule with Ceia to visit
• put away the last of the cds
• re-organize the kitchen
• bake cookies for Lara's officemates' orders
• put away the newly washed laundry
• shop for groceries
• buy socks and stuff for Big Bunny
• make sure the cats get their drops

On top of the daily cleaning and household chores.  Somewhat swamped.  BUT!  I get to scrap next weekend, WOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!
Plus it's almost Valentines...what to do????</lj>

I find it weird that most Pinoys don't consider small denomination coins money. (for friends in not in the Philippines, we have tiny ten and five-cent pieces that look like copper) Kids use them as weights for sipa, jeepney drivers decorate their dashboard with them, and most people would just not bother with them.

I believe that these small coins are still money, and over time, are valuable when collected. Hello, a twenty-five cent piece is just two tens and a five, after all. But I don't bother other people with this opinion - even though most people get rich by knowing that cents are still pesos in tiny pieces.

I was, however, taken aback this afternoon when, on the jeep ride back to work after lunch, the driver took my hand and put two ten cents and a five into my hand. The coins were part of my fare (seven pesos and 50 cents) and had been taken out of my wallet earlier (it's not safe to pull out wallets in public transport). With a compassionate nod and a smile, the driver says "Hija, isosoli ko ka lang ito, ha? Mukha kasing mas kailangan mo." (Little girl, I'm giving this back to you because it seems that you need it more.)

Er... thanks, manong. I think.

Why is the world populated by idiots?

Wait... let me redefine that. Why are the chatrooms populated by idiots? Or rather, why am I such an idiot as to enter chatrooms filled with idiots? And why, oh dear Goddess, WHY, am I such a sucker for the "oh I'm so sad I just need someone to talk to please talk to me" shtick?

Your host, the idiot of the night.

Today's post is brought to you by the need to finish something concrete. I need to be able to close the door on something and say, "ha, done", and have no loose ends, no pending bits, or I will simply go nuts. Not the cutesy my-aunt's-a-bit-eccentric nuts, but the kind of nuts that makes you want to memorize the number to the security office in your building.

So swamped. I'm still trying to meet my goal of having a place for everything and everything in its place by the 26th, which technically means 12:59 pm on the 25th. I'm also working on a project for PCMC with a college colleague, trying to whip the damn business in shape and dreaming up two more projects on the side. Everything's also going more slowly than I'd like, partly because my attention is being pulled in a million directions at once.

But it'll get done. I know it will. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming....


Ha. Done.

Well, mostly reborn anyway. As 2008 ended, I got very very sick. So sick that I didn't even get a chance to enjoy the holidays, or fix up the house, or even work. I lay there, day after day, gasping like a fish. I don't get the relation of the inability to work with the inability to breathe, but I can't concentrate when I'm trying to stay alive.

Anyway, we found a new pulmonologist. Out of desperation we went to one of my mom's old students, who turned out to be an excellent doctor - even if he is a pediatric pulmonologist. He gave me over two week's worth of really strong antibiotics, a week's worth of last-resort steroids, and 1,000 micro-something of another maintainance steroid. The results were next to miraculous. Yes, it took a couple of weeks for me to get really better, but it's amazing. Now I can actually walk without wheezing, my cough is minimal, and I can think straight. It used to be that I'd almost pass out just walking to the end of the corridor, but now I can walk to the corner without stopping once to catch my breath!

Of course I'm still on serious maintainance, but that's okay. Doc said as soon as the cold spell's gone and it gets a bit drier, he'll wean me off the medicine.

But oh, the things I can do! Even though I still have to be careful (I've got to wear a dust mask for chores and take two puffs of sabutamol before a lot of physical activity) I can walk home again, and talk on the phone, and clean the house, and write! I can stand up long enough to do the dishes, and carry the cats out of the room!

I might even scrapbook as soon as I can get some help dusting the scraproom.

It's fantastic what you think you can do after being denied the ability to do anything for so long. By the time I was allowed to go to work, I was raring to tackle the marketing plan, to study, to start new projects.

2009 is looking to be a promising year, indeed.

It's roughly three days before New Year, and despite being ill, I'm gearing up for the change in planning tools - calendars, card files, and the all-important planner.

Every year since Starbucks began coming out with its planner, I strove to get one. I find most conventional planners too boring, or their spaces too cramped for my scribbling tendencies. Starbucks, however, usually has nice images and all sorts of interesting trivia and sometimes even prose.

However, there has been a proliferation of better and better planner/organizers coming out, and in 2008, many of them gave the Starbucks planner a run for its money. Not only were they cheaper, they were every bit as functional and sometimes even prettier.

A few months ago, I received a package in the mail, a planner from Free Press Publications. How does it stack up to my beloved yearly addiction, you ask?

Well, for starters, I hate how it looks. Its plain brown glossy cover ostentatiously announcing "This journal will actually change your life!!!", it looks like some goth emo pre-pubescent's dream journal.

Compared to its Strabucks counterpart, this planner is chock-full of content - some more useful than the rest - to keep you occupied during long hours spent in meetings, in line at the grocery, or whenever you've got time to kill. It's crammed to the overflowing with little ads for causes like www.thehungersite.com, thought-provoking questions, reminders, and random trivia litter the pages.

It does, however, have more space in it than usual, and many helpful items such as conversion tables and even a page for your weekly budget accounting.




In stark contrast to this, the Starbucks' planner is positively spartan this year. In fact, upon first glance, it doesn't seem like much. Its textured cover comes in three colors, blue, red, and black. Aside from the stylized mermaid-esque Starbucks symbol on the lower-right side, it's plain, which is a bonus. Starbucks seems to have mastered the stylish minimalist look.



It still has some very nice art in between months, but there are no monthly schedule pages. The daily schedule pages are rather limited in space, but it's not much different from other planners in that respect. Those who have the 2008 Starbucks planner, though, will find that the 2009 version's pages a little cramped.

I find SB's tendency to over-simplify this year a little disappointing. I've gotten used to seeing fun stuff in Starbucks planners. What's more, I'm used to more scribble space.

The verdict? While the Starbucks planner trumps the Free Press planner in the style category, the latter tops the former in terms of affordability, writing space, and sheer ADD-inspiring content.

So, while it won't really be a life-changing event, I'll be holding off on my usual SB planner for 2009. Can't wait for CBTL to start manufacturing their own yearly planner, though.


Photos of the Starbucks planner were kindly provided by Ms. Venice Lalaine Furio.

Check out her musings on life and caffeine at http://coffeeandblunder.com/

O-kay... I barely felt the holidays this year. Spending weeks on my back, most of the time barely breathing because of asthma and pneumonitis, was not my idea of a jolly time.

Still not well. :( But still, love and light to LJ land. MMMMMWAH!



more animals

I logged on today after an LJ absence of ...several days.

As it is now, I'm just poking my head thru to say hello. Today the new pc table will be put up, and the new pc (still unnamed after its predecessor, Fuji's, tragic and untimely semi-demise) will have a new and proper home in the bedroom. But I will still refuse to surf on it until it gets a sound card, a proper keyboard, and a mousepad. Yes, I am a freak. However, the self-imposed non-surfing lets me have time for writing, baking, cleaning the house and litter-training the new kittens.

By the way, the calamansi tree has been repotted and already it looks happier.

The Great Holiday Break is coming up. A whole week where I will officially not be required to come in to the office. However, it won't be a real holiday. For me, it's more of an unbroken work week uninterrupted by the commute to my actual office. I believe it's a sign of how deranged I am when I find myself excited at the prospect.

A whole week to work from home! WHEEEE! *slap*

Okay, better now. Pride pics and links sometime before weekend. :D

Yesterday I saw my first real live rainbow...or at least I think it was my first, I can't remmeber ever seeing anything like that before. 30 years, and this was my first rainbow au naturale. I've only ever seen them artificially summoned with the garden hose!

As we drove to Glorietta to pick up Marie and Pau, there it was, looming over one of the buildings and stretching over what appeared to be a fourth of the sky. It was almost sunset, and the sky was red and gold. Fire thought my squeee-ing very misplaced, but it was a magical moment for me. :)

*** *** ***

Tomorrow's Pride. I have to admit I'm rather jaded. Would not be going if Fire hadn't said yes to co-hosting the after-parade program without asking me first. I had something else I had really wanted to attend, something I had worked hard and spent so much time, effort and money to be eligible for. Another thing that was stopping me from even considering going was that I don't feel welcome with the old group anymore.

But I'm going. Partly to support Fire, partly to see old friends, and partly because even after all the nitpicking and squabbling and personal agendas and elitism and hypocricy, the march is still important. It still stands for something, especially to the younger, less cynical, LGBTs.

Not that I even think it matters if I go or not, not to anyone but Fire. But I want to think that maybe, I can get my belief in these things back. Maybe the rainbow was a sign.

*** *** ***

Aside from reorganizing and shuffling stuff around in preparation for the new year, Fire has finally given in and allowed me to try to start a garden. (tears and whining weren't even necessary!) We've bought a tiny calamansi tree, and we'll replant it front of the windows, giving us some decent cover. Maybe I'll be able to plant a malunggay tree there too, but I'm not sure malunggay trees can survive permanent potting.

I've always wanted a garden, having lived in a veritable forest during my formative years, but I never had the chance to start one. No space, for one thing. But in our new apartment complex, almost every house has greenstuff, and you can even tell which residents have been here longer by the number of plants they have. The longest running residents, about four houses down, even have trees.

To my joy, I found GreenHearts, a nursery that raises organic herbs for aspiring home gardeners.

Hopefully, Fire won't be too averse to going for a visit sometime before the holiday season is done. I want my plants in the ground before summer, ehehehe. There goes my 13th month pay.

I'm very very upset, so please forgive me if this post is a bit choppy.

I have a fascination for lovely hotel rooms, especially those at Victoria Court Motel. I'd never really stayed there, but the rooms are just beautiful. My ordeal with the motel began when we decided to give our mom a pictorial and an overnight stay at VC.

At first, a suite was 4,000 for an overnight stay. I told them there were six of us, and they said it was fine, that the suite could fit ten. So okay, I said, I'll take it.

Fire said it was too easy, and to call again. I did, and lo and behold, apparently you can't stay more than fifteen minutes if there are more than 3 people. Oh-kaaaay. So what now?

They say it'll have to be a party pack, roughly 7,000, inclusive of food and the room for 24 hours. Fine. I ask if it's the same rate across the board at all their branches - because if we can't eat at a good restaurant then we'd better have a good room, and Pasig has the best rooms.

I call Pasig, and they send me over the mf-ing rates, in one of the CRAPPIEST powerpoint presentation I have ever seen. Their opening spiel gave me a migraine (directly cut from the presentation):

"Victoria Court is now pioneering thematic party rooms that will surely fits your wild party desire and imagination. Thematic room with complete entertainment system and sumptuous menu will lead you to a memorable and brilliant party you’ll never expected to be. Take a look of our rooms we’re bragging of…"

Huwaaaaaaaaaat?!?! This is what passes for marketing these days? My marketing professor is rolling around in his grave.

The fees start at 8.5k for the most basic rooms, and go up to 25k. FOR 5 FUCKING HOURS.

What is wrong with the communication in this establishment? Do they only hire retards who'll say yes to anything to answer the phone?

What gives?!?!?! We don't even want to throw a party. We only want to sit there, take a few pictures, and leave for dinner, come back, and sleep. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

Does anyone know a nice place, fantasy-esqe or something, to have a pictorial? We're willing to pay, but I'm not willing to be jerked around like this.

No wonder Victoria Court can't get rid of its reputation as a place people go just to have sex - e they seem to only want that kind of patronage.

A very happy birthday to our dear friend carl_amon! The bunnies wish you many happy returns of the day. :)

***

The holidays are almost here, and despite the fact that the past two weeks have been unseasonably hot and humid, there are moments when the air is chill and still and it smells like Christmas. You know – the way it smells when you wake up and are thinking of what to get for your monito in school, or when you get up at ungodly hours to shuffle off a few blocks so that you can fall back asleep on a cold hard church pew at dawn mass.

I get a whiff of that distinctive scent in the night air and it takes me back to burning leaves with my grandfather in the backyard, collecting eggs from the chickens for leche flan, and watching him climb the coconut tree for fresh young fruits to be used in buko salad.

All warm and happy for Christmas….

***

The housekeeping has completely gotten away from me again. I mean, the house looks relatively tidy, it’s just that there are piles and piles of stuff all over. I will really have to start doing some major fixing up once the baking orders are filled….

Was on leave for two days this week, and when I come back, not only is my terminal at work down, but fuji, our faithful laptop, has also kicked the bucket. He's running on backup systems now, but it's obvious that he's not going to last much longer until he needs a complete overhaul. Fire has backed up all our files, and now we're looking for a desktop to alleviate the stress fuji goes through on a daily basis. Any recommendations?

My sister and Marie are spending the weekend with us in our home, YAY! Definite girl-time, baking and stuff.

Is there anyone who wants to give away Christmas cookies to give away as presents this year? I'm selling cookie packages at reasonable prices - less for bulk orders. :) Also, homemade butter in jars.

I'm being driven mad by a food craving - I want want WANT my ex's sister's cream-based pasta recipe, but I'm too shy to ask her for it. It had mushrooms and cream and bacon and onions and butter, milk, cheese, bell peppers, and maybe mushroom soup. I can't remember, and I'm getting more frustrated by the hour.

Hungry.....